When life hands you a tough situation, you may need to lean on other people for comfort. But in leadership, we often have situations where our employees want us to be their shoulder. It can be a difficult task since you have to maintain the line of a leader without becoming a “full-fledged friend”.
I have been in this position plenty of times over the years. From an employee having a stroke in the office and calling me to pick them up from the hospital, to an employee having a family member pass away and needing help staying focused on work because they can’t afford to take time off. It’s tough! We all have situations that we never thought we would ever be in and how our boss responds to it can either help the situation or make it more difficult. How you provide comfort will vary depending on who you're comforting and what they've gone through. However, there are universal tips to keep in mind when you're supporting an employee.
Here are some strategies that can help you provide much-needed comfort to others:
1. Uplift them. When someone approaches you for comfort, chances are that they're not asking you for your advice. More likely, they just need someone to be there to listen to them. Avoid trying to solve their problems even if you are asked for advice.
2. Listen well. It's always a good idea to develop your listening skills. A part of being a good listener is truly striving to understand what the other person is saying. Remember that you can provide a certain degree of comfort just by lending an open ear to the person suffering.
3. Let them know you are there to support them. Sometimes it's comforting just to know that the other person is there. Tell the person that's suffering that they can discuss their problems with you any time they need a lift to help them get through. Keep your boundaries in mind. If you don’t feel it is appropriate for them to call you after hours tell them you are available at work.
4. Keep it professional. While our natural instinct may be to give a hug or hold a hand, it’s not necessarily the right thing to do in the workplace. Making eye contact on the other hand can show you are attentive of what they are saying and that you are not going to shy away from their pain. It will also let them know that they have nothing to be ashamed of. When in doubt, check with your HR team to guide you. To learn more about the does and don’ts of eye contact check out this great Forbes article.
5. Be understanding. You will never really know what it's like to go through the tough time that you're helping with, even if you have experienced something similar, but that doesn't mean that you can't strive to understand. Do your best to try and understand where this person is coming from.
6. Utilize your HR Team. Often employees are unwilling to reach out to the HR team themselves for various reasons. Keeping your HR team in the loop can open up possibilities that you may not have known to support the employee even more. It can also take the pressure off of you if you aren’t sure how best to handle the situation.
Understanding Grief
If the person you're helping is dealing with loss, you'll also be helping them with their grief. Grief is a natural emotion to go through when you find yourself facing a traumatic situation. If you gain a better understanding of grief, you may be able to assist with comfort in a helpful manner.
The Stages of Grief
Grief is expressed in different stages and different people spend varying amounts of time on each stage. Sometimes the stages aren't even expressed in the same order.
Grief usually starts with the initial shock of the experience and oftentimes denial accompanies this distress. Then pain and anger sets in, which may last for a long time. Sometimes depression also sets in before the person journeys into acceptance.
Be mindful not to push a person through the stages too fast. Leaders tend to get refocused back onto their agenda quickly and feel everything will go back to normal after the first or even second conversation.
Depression can be difficult to help with since the person tends to lose interest in the world around them. If your company provides support lines, encourage them to reach out to someone that is better suited than you to help them.
When someone on your team you know is going through a rough time, use these tips to guide you in supporting. The help you bring them may be the one thing that encourages them to make it through to better days.
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