Over the past couple of weeks, we have been exploring how judgmental thoughts can significantly impair our leadership ability and our team's functionality. If you missed those articles, I recommend you read them before you go on. You can access them here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.
Thinking that everyone is better than you is a common struggle, shared by many people. Our society has made comparing and competing a lifestyle. From the old saying of “Keeping up with the Jones” to people faking their pictures on social media, we are bombarded with the idea that we need to be as good if not better than the people around us.
However, if you think about it, you’ll realize that it would be impossible for you to be the best at everything! There will always be others who seem to be more talented, successful or educated in their own fields.
The key is to remember that you, too, have unique talents and specialized skills that matter!
Use these strategies to handle this self-criticism:
1. Understand the root of the thought. Often, this self-critical thought comes from past experiences and childhood.
○ You may have grown up hearing your parents or someone else compare you to others. They may have said that you’re not as smart or well-behaved as another child or sibling.
○ You believed it then, and you still believe it. Unfortunately, these negative thoughts can carry over from childhood to adulthood.
2. Learn to love yourself. Instead of beating yourself up over every mistake, learn to accept your faults.
○ Practice forgiveness of yourself and others.
○ Learn to let go of mistakes once you’ve learned the lesson. It’s essential not to hang on to negative ideas or experiences.
○ Be conscious of how you view your body, mind, and accomplishments.
3. Reframe the self-critical thought. Instead of saying everyone is better than you, say things like, “I’m good,” “I’m talented,” and “I’m awesome.” (if this brings up visions of SNL’s Stewart Smally gazing into a mirror and feels hokey, I have one question for you…. Why is it okay to say bad things to yourself all the time, yet it’s not okay to say supportive things?)
○ Remind yourself of the unique qualities you possess.
○ Point out things like your kindness, perseverance, and other positive parts of your personality.
Avoid letting this self-critical thought stop you from trying new things. It’s crucial to remember you have talent!
Helping our teams with the “Everyone is better than me” thought.
Now I want to start by saying, competition can be healthy when executed properly. The best implementation of team competition is encouraging comparison against themselves most of the time, and each other every once in a while. No two people on your team have all the same skills, and if they do, they probably won’t have the same drive or interest in them. We are all challenged and motivated by tasks differently. Let’s take a look at how to create healthy competitions for our teams.
1. Give your employees measurable goals each week. If it’s sales you are measuring, give them hard numbers on how they did last week/month and have them create a new goal to reach. Encouraging them to compete with themselves builds the confidence they can get it done.
○ Allowing them to create the goal will help them realize they have control over the outcome. When employees set a goal for themselves that it will enable them to feel the goal is reachable, instead of feeling their boss gave them an unattainable number.
○ When they are competing against their own numbers instead of someone else on the team, it lessens the desire to work against each other, and that is better for your customers and you.
2. Build team competitions. Set goals that your team can reach together. If you have a new product to sell, have the team agree on how many they think they can sell in a day and build excitement around it by cheering them on when they sell one.
o Goal setting this way is a simple way to build fun into your team’s day. It breaks up the monotony of the day, creates opportunities for you to cheer them on as well as each other, and makes a daunting task like selling a new product easier.
3. Listen for negative talk about other employees. If an employee is “bad mouthing” another employee, it is a sure sign they are falling prey to the thought of “everyone is better than me.”
o Help them get to the root of why they don’t feel the person is up to scratch by asking them what they would want the person to do better and why. You can also ask them how they can plan to support that person to help them be better.
o Support the idea of teamwork. My favorite phrase for collaboration is, “Where we go one, we go all!” If someone on the team is struggling, it is everyone’s job to help them reach the goal. If someone is speaking negatively about a peer, then they are bringing the team down just as much, if not more than the person they are talking about. Teamwork is built on a foundation of trust and support.
When we create a safe space for ourselves and our teams to grow, we begin to see the excitement and desire to be our best.
For the last installment in this series, we will take a look at other tips to help overcome judgment so you can make your impact as a leader even more positive.
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