This month we have explored how judgmental thoughts about ourselves and our teams can undermine our effectiveness of achieving our own goals and how we support our teams. Before you read on, check out the previous articles if you haven’t already here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.
You and your team will have many different types of self-critical thoughts affecting your confidence. We have covered several in this series, yet there are many more that pop up every day. As you work through conquering these judgmental thoughts, remember, each of you is made up of your own unique combination of characteristics, shaped by past and present experiences.
Your unique identity and history help to shape the type of self-critical thoughts that are in your head.
Consider these common self-criticisms and how to change them:
1. Reframe, “I shouldn’t have done this.” This thought appears after a mistake or another issue.
○ Change it by saying, “I learned from this.”
○ Focus on the positive aspects of the mistake. Find the silver lining that is hiding inside.
○ The same goes for your team. Help them focus on what they are doing right and how they can improve using the skills they already have.
2. Reframe “I can’t do anything right.” This thought can also appear after mistakes. It can also show up after failures or not being able to reach goals.
○ Change it by saying, “I do many things well.”
○ Accept the mistake or failure and move forward. Remind yourself of all the things you do well and are proud of accomplishing.
○ Hold your team accountable for continuing to excel. When leaders solely focus on what their organizations are doing wrong, not only will they be unable to see (or encourage) what they are doing right, they will create an atmosphere that makes teams not want to achieve. It’s like I tell my husband, it’s expected that both of us manage the house, yet it helps me enjoy it when we thank each other for it.
3. Reframe, “I’m always a mess.” Again, this self-judgmental thought frequently shows up after a failure or other shortcomings.
○ Change it by saying, “I am in control of what I do.”
○ You can also say, “I am put together.” The key is to fight the negativity with positive thoughts.
○ Avoid focusing on failures or comparing yourself to others. You may not see the struggles they face and won’t know how many messes are really in their lives. Instead, think about the things you do well and control.
○ People on competitive teams can often hold onto this thought about themselves and others. This is where positive and constructive feedback can shine with your employees with a lot of potential.
4. Reframe, “I always have to do everything alone.” Relationship struggles and other issues can make you feel isolated, lonely, and it can spill over into work.
○ Change it by saying, “I am surrounded by people who love me.”
○ If the issue is primarily at work, change the thought by saying, “I am surrounded by people that support me in my tasks when they have the ability to.”
○ Keep in mind that, even if you’re single or run your own business, there are always others around you, and many of those people love you.
○ From coworkers to friends, you simply have to reach out for help.
Judgmental thoughts can come in many forms, but each one can be changed.
It’s important to remember that the thoughts in your head are just stories. They may not be an accurate reflection of you, your life, or your team.
Our internal dialogue can be very deceptive.
It can make us feel alone, discouraged, and unhappy. Besides, it can affect how we view the world and relate to others.
Instead of letting the judgmental thoughts take over, try these tips:
1. Remember, the stories might not be the real truth. The stories in your mind are all shaped by how you perceived certain situations.
○ Human perception is tricky.
○ The world is colored by your past, present, and current emotions. The way you think about things is affected by multiple factors.
2. Be mindful of your thoughts and emotions. Ask yourself, “What is going on in my head right now? Is it positive or negative? Why?”
○ Pay attention to your thoughts and how they affect you. Listen to the mind, but avoid letting judgmental thoughts take over.
3. Remember to reframe the judgmental thoughts. This powerful technique turns things around in your head and boosts your self-esteem, allowing you to help others succeed as well.
○ Reframing can be the key to letting go of the negativity and being a remarkable leader!
All thoughts can be changed. You have the power and ability to do this. It may take practice, but you can accomplish it.
To sum it all up
Judgmental thoughts can appear in different forms and affects each of us. They can fill your mind with negativity and judgment, decreasing you and your team’s effectiveness.
Remember that you’re the one who is in control of your thoughts. You can alter them.
Learn to reframe your negative self-talk, so it stops influencing your decisions, emotions, and how you feel about yourself and others.
Once you’ve practiced reframing and changing the negative statements in your head, it will get easier to do, and our self-esteem will grow. Your influence on others will increase as you set the example that we can all choose to think positively and support each other. It is a powerful tool in your leadership toolbox.
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